UCHENNA ONYISHI

Munachi, I always suspected that your mother thought of me as weak. And my last visit to Enugu to see her, settled any doubts I held on to. While I appreciate her fondness, it has suddenly become important that I make it clear to you, why I can only find your concerns and those of your mother, and your best friend, Afamefuna, slightly irritating and mostly unnecessary.

You have always been enough for me. And it is not because you have been too generous. Nor is it because of the man your mother encourages you to become. Or the man that my mother thinks you already are.

I am with you because unlike my father, you do not pretend to know what is best for me. You do not consider me fragile. And you do not insult me with promises of becoming a better man. As if I do not have enough inside of me to draw conclusions on the character of the man whose house will shelter my children, and the vulnerable years of my life.

Munachi, I do not ask for much. My father made sure of that. I am not interested in a fairy tale I did not author. And I do not want a man that will conquer, for me, a world I did not ask for. And while your mother may feel that it is your duty to fill in the blanks of my heart’s desires, where I am hesitant to ask, it is important that you resist the urge to do so. It is greed.

I have known greedy men. I have laid in bed with them. And I have drowned in the waves of their transient satisfactions. They sang Songs of Solomon to me. They shape shifted into warriors that fought for my happiness. And told me stories about the worlds they had conquered and how they could deliver all of its glories to me. And I stretched my hands out and received.

And while the joys of the moment shut my eyes, they walked away, and left me with a defeated world. And I did not know what to do with it. Because I did not want any of it. I only wanted them. And all of the things I thought I needed to satisfy their insatiate thirst.

I used to know a greedy man who found pleasure in the number of worlds he could offer me. And once he had given me the world he could afford, he cast me aside for another naive little girl. And when she asked for it, he took it all away from me and gave it to her.

Munachi, I have known greedy men, and the greedy little girls that arouse them.

So you and your mother should not assume to know what I want. Do not get it into your head now that you are not enough for me. I am not with you because of your generosity. And I am not with you because you can conquer the world. I do not want any of it.

My reasons are simple. They belong to you and I. And as long as you are able to protect us from the noise that will come from outside of us, I will remain yours.

And on the days I am unable to have all of you, I will hold on to the parts of you that stay with me.

Always, Kosisochi Agu